Monday, January 1, 2001
This light is for a short symbol that not many nor anyone may see.... i was so consumed with "the responsibilities, or the present actions" that i missed so many ways of honoring you. As i read these i am once again reminded of the light and presence that my brother was into so many peoples worlds ..... my best memories are of us becoming friends from such a young age and the bond that grew into knowing what a best friend was . Jasper from day one was my buddy through everything, horrible moments, to good, to secrets that no one else will ever know. but my BEST FRIEND, MY FATHER, MY MOTHER, MY BROTHER, MY SAVIOR, MY LIFE.... An example later on in life and so many times repeated as we grew into "fine individuals" and my latest memories would simply be walking into a bar or restaurant and if he heard anything negative towards us he would get up and say .....no one can judge us (or you) , you wait here while i handle this. My favorite time was when we sat down at a bar while two "i will say "negative" chicks" talked crap about me (us) as we sat down .. you (he) walked over and instead of being rude, calling them out, or just being a human being sticking up for yourself (and me, like he always did) ,............ jasper went over told them how beautiful they where and that his sister and him wanted to buy them a drink , ,,,,,(with his super star smile),,,,,,, ya all know what i am talking about.......... because he felt a GREAT ENERGY FROM THEM WHEN WE WALKED IN AND THAT HIS SISTER AND HIM THOUGHT THEY WHERE SO BEAUTIFUL ... everyone that knew jasper know that the rest of the conversation was smooth and always rewarded with a smile .. but to me i knew what he was proving and did , for myself so many times and just to prove peoples judgements wrong..... and they left feeling great and smiling.... my life lesson is to always lead with love, grace, humility, forgiveness, and the gift of proving people wrong for the better . jasper would never let us ( if he could help it.... let people publicly judge or hurt 'us".....and instead of hate or bitterness...as we came from nothing and endured nothing less then hate and judgement ...... to turn around and as cheesy as it sounds 'kill them with kindness" he brought joy and love into everyones life, the greatest joy is knowing that he made everyones life that much better. yet knowing that he got taken away so soon is also my pain. We are still left for whatever reason, and that is very hard for me to accept, But to as the saying goes "just because you are living doesn't mean you are alive"
